Something new

January 5, 2016

New things are hard for me. I wish the reason they are was better. I wish it was because I had some sort of intense phobia that had a sweet name and was so debilitating that they could make a movie about. Arachnophobia after all was a colossal box-office success. Maybe it would be better if instead of a phobia, the reason I was averse to new things was because I didn’t have time for them. If I was literally too busy to try anything new because of all the good I was doing that occupied so much of my time. Or perhaps the best reason for avoiding new things would be that I was so good at one specific thing that I didn’t have the need to try anything new. I could say ‘I have arrived in the _______ world, and there is no need for me to try anything else. I’m already an expert at this.’ Unfortunately this is not the case.

The truth is they scare me, the new things. They represent all that I do not know and have never experienced, and worse yet, they contain the potential for the thing I fear more than new things – failure. Nobody likes to fail, I understand, but some of you make it look so easy. You try something and when it doesn’t pan out, you’re just on to the next thing like it was nothing. Some of you make words like bankruptcy, unemployed and rehab sound like things I want to sign up for. My wife is one of you. She seems to find energy and life in doing something previously undiscovered. But not me. New things make me want to run to find the nearest fallout shelter, bring a couch, some blankets and my DVR and just settle in for the long haul. But that would be new, so I’ll probably just stay at my house instead.

Over the years though, you have all pushed me to try new things. Whether by actually convincing me or just by being a part of the ever-changing world in which I live – you have pushed me. Being a youth-pastor, playing the drums, getting a masters degree, starting a church, getting tattoos – all parts of my life that would never have happened if it wasn’t for all of you. And I can honestly say I am better off and happier for having done all of them. Thanks for that.

So, although I am afraid, today I heed the advice of some of those closest to me, and follow a voice inside me. A voice that is faint at times and at others feels like it’s screaming. A voice that says ‘you have something to add, I have given you something to say, and a unique way to say it.’ Honestly, most of me fears you won’t want to listen – that I’ll just be adding to the noise. But if I have learned anything about new things, it is that the ones worth doing are the ones with the biggest risk of failure, and they are the sweetest when you experience the reward.

So today I will start something new. A website dedicated to my own original thoughts, ideas, fears, failures, faith, sarcasm, stories, sermons, writings and ramblings. It’s only new in the sense that I am letting you all in to that which has been going on for a long, long time, if only in my head. I hope it helps you. I hope it makes you cry sometimes. I hope it inspires you. I hope it lets you feel like it’s ok to not know it all. I hope you like it. I hope it pushes you. I hope it makes you hope. If it can do even some of these things for some of you, it will be worth my risking failure. After all, life is hard – and then comes something new.

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