Daddy’s little dancing queen

February 4, 2025

At my age and with all I’ve done and seen over the years, it’s pretty difficult to surprise me. This is not the case with everyone.  Every ten years or so, I try to surprise your mother with a party that remembers her birth. She is easy to surprise – perhaps so easy that I’m going to start trying to make it harder on myself when I choose to do so. Watching her walk in, jump and scream every time we “get” her – makes it worth all the work it takes to get us there. Good surprises can and should be fun. And I really enjoy seeing them come to fruition. 

But as I said, I am not too easily surprised – by the good or by the bad. In my line of work you get to see the best and the worst of people – and if I am being honest – I wish I was surprised by both more often. It’s not just that I’ve seen a lot (I have), or that I’ve experienced too much much (that too), but I’ve also got this sixth sense of discernment, that helps (or makes) me see the future coming before it does, and before most anyone else. It’s, as they say (whoever “they” are), a blessing and a curse – but it certainly cuts down on the surprises in my world. 

That’s why what happened the other day was such a BIG surprise – and it came in waves. I walked into your school to see a talent show, figuring I knew exactly what to expect. After all I remember watching your brother tell his jokes at one just a few years back. A few kids reading jokes, a few more playing the piano, a gymnast and a dance or two – and I’d be out before the end – ready to fulfill the duties of my day. I’d tell you, as every parent should, that you did a good job and I was proud of you – I’d give you a hug and we’d move on. Simple and succinct – with no surprises. But that is NOT what happened. 

I knew you were going to dance. I’d taken you to your friends house twice and heard you talking with mom about learning and re-learning your moves. But seeing as you’d taken just the one dance class for a few days, many years ago, I expected it to be nothing to write home (or a blog post) about. A few hops, some pointing, a twirl, maybe even a well placed, crisp high five – to an old familiar tune, and we’d have seen your “talent” shine. That, I was sure, was what I was going to see – but then you started dancing. 

Truth be told, I don’t and probably won’t ever remember too many of the moves. I can’t even remember the song as I sit here now. But what grabbed me, and tugged at my heart – what took me by surprise – was how what I was seeing, made me feel inside. 

Sure your dancing was great – and I am most impressed you memorized the whole thing – but right there in front of me I saw a person I am meeting more and more each day. A little girl, perhaps now better said a young woman who was and is unafraid. Unafraid to try something new. Unafraid to put herself out into the world. Unafraid to express herself in ways she hasn’t before. Unafraid to be totally, completely and uniquely – HERself. And what a beautiful self that is. 

I walked in to the building expecting to see a little kids talent show, and to my surprise, what I saw instead was my daughter in a whole new light – Esther Jillian Steffen – my dancing queen.

Yes, you’ve always been expressive. The first time I held you, your eyes told me a story about love I had never heard. As a toddler, the faces you made could make me laugh so hard I cried, or cry so hard I’d laugh. Your questions are just a little deeper and more thought out than other kids your age. Your hugs a little tighter, and mooches a bit moochier – and the way you pick your outfits represents the fierce and colorful girl warrior that you are. 

But what I saw yesterday was more than expression. It was confidence. It was boldness. It was a zest and a zeal for life that I sincerely wish I had myself. You wanted to dance. And it didn’t matter what anyone else thought, or even what they said. It didn’t matter that others had more training or that some kids might find it strange. YOU wanted to dance, and so dance you did. 

It’s not ONLY dancing, you know. Sometimes it’s art, others it’s a scooter. This summer I’ll see you swing a bat and play softball for the first time and then you’ll go to camp. A volleyball player, a future chiropractor, or perhaps even a marine biologist after you finish the report on seals you’re working on – all of these things and more can and will be used to describe you. But they aren’t and couldn’t ever accurately describe who you are, what I saw, or the feelings I felt as I watched my little girl dance up on that stage. 

I have tried, sometimes not hard enough, to keep away from comparing my kids to their mom and their dad. Yes, we have passed down a few things, and there are undeniably some similarities – but you and your brother are your own unique people, and you should be free to be yourselves – unburdened by what has been. But I would be lying to you if I didn’t say that the last time I met someone who had as little fear and as much flavor for life – I fell in love, and I fell hard. Every time I look at you, I see all the best parts of her, and I fall in love with her and with you, all over again. 

Nine years ago today, we chose for you a name. One that represented the faith and the heart we hoped you someday would have. Esther, a queen – and yet so much more than that. A woman unafraid to step into the chamber of the king. Putting her people and God’s plan above herself. A young girl stepping into her purpose and expressing herself no matter the cost. And God used her in mighty ways. 

Nine years later, I see now it was God who chose that name. And even I am surprised and how right He got it. You truly are the most beautiful young woman, on the inside and on the out. You live a life of unrivaled hope, and display an optimism that cannot be contained. You are my sunshine, my daughter, my princess, my “buttcheeks”, and my baby. 

And just the other day, almost nine years in, to my total and complete surprise – you became Esther Jillian Steffen – your daddy’s little “dancing queen.”   

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1 Comment
    1. Don’t you just think your heart will just burst with love overflowing ? Mine sure dose.

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